About Me

This blog is about trying to maintain an average lifestyle.

EDNOS has made this the hardest thing I've ever done.

I have not yet resigned to the disease, 

but I find myself losing my grasp on a previous life filled with success, friends, and ambition.

I am 20 and from Wisconsin.

I attend the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and I'm majoring in Early Childhood Education.
I bartend and do promotional work.

I started out solely restricting, and over the course of a year it morphed into EDNOS.
I am diagnosed with stage 3 chronic kidney disease, depression, ADHD, and EDNOS.
I also have moderate to severe anxiety although that has yet to be clinically diagnosed.
I go through bouts of insomnia quite often.

Summer 2013 I spent eight weeks in partial treatment for my eating disorder. Do I consider myself in recovery? Not really.

I am fat.
I am a hot mess.
I feel out of control 95% of the time.
I also have a huge heart.
Thank you for reading about my struggles.

 Tastes like EDNOS

Raspberries

Eaten seed by seed

Poison with each touch

To the traitor

That is my tongue

Enslaved by a body not

My own

Jello

Plastic cups free of

Sucralose shame

Fraudulent cherry

Scraped clean by chilled metal

Another tool crafted to

Break me

Bubbles

Diet pop fizzing through

My concrete corpse

They giggle

My weakness entertaining

Perfection so far as I

Forfeit my empty

Coffee

Vanilla guilt infection

My cup and my provider

Cheap buzz

Supplier of artificial spirit

A conflict of

Distorted interests

Lettuce

Green crunch the product

Of infinities spent in a

grocer’s torture chamber

Caloric scrutiny

Call me a

Mathematician

Popcorn

Light as air

Enviously I swallow

Calculation of worth

Revealed by tomorrow’s step

Numbers replace words in

My definition

- Me