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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

No more Vyvanse & the Lonelies


A large peach (80)
Frozen yogurt (200)
Sweet potato fries (200)
A small apple (50)
Brussel sprouts (75)
Light frappucino (150) = 765
One hour of yoga/pilates (-100)
= 665

Seems like I ate a lot, I feel gigantic lately. Lately? I feel gigantic all the time lol. I have to wear an effing bikini in two weeks and it's proving to be a subconscious motivation for restriction. Thinking about it already makes me sick to my stomach and want to cry. I'm so incredibly ashamed of my body, I wish I could detach my soul from it. 

I don't think I mentioned this last week but it's a huge change: I stopped taking my ADHD pill which was a 12 hour extended release medication. On the positive side, I've been able to sleep normally again. Unfortunately my life is extra disastrous and my forgetfulness is at an all time high. Ugh. After 2 years of allowing Vyvanse to aid my functionality I feel left to fend for myself in a sense. 

I also haven't taken my anti depressants in three days because I'm a mess, that's the best reason I can offer. It might explain my extreme case of the Lonelies last night. I just want to love someone, and I just want someone to love me :( I'm sick of bouncing from guy to guy every month. I shouldn't need a guy to make me happy, but easier said than done... I've been social media stalking Loser Ex Boyfriend lately and he seems so happy with his new girlfriend. I want to be happy :( 

Hugs
PS I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow eek


2 comments:

  1. I feel the same dear... Anything after nothing is an impossible number. Restriction is how I function and if I can't do that effectively I feel like a failure. I keep thinking there has to be a reason I can't do it right and it's making me feel frantic I guess... Summer, as much as I love it, has me anxious over bikinis...
    Lots and lots of hugs my dear!

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  2. That's a huge change with your medication. Sadly, there's always pros and cons with taking meds, not to mention stopping then. I know what you mean about feeling like you're left to fend for yourself though. It's so easy to become reliant on medication just to function properly.
    Good luck with weighing tomorrow. Your intake sounds delish by the way! xx

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