AGH ever since I "recovered" from my eating disorder and more recently relapsed, I feel my progress in becoming thin again has been 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. Sure I've lost 7 lbs in 10 days, but yesterday I half binged and today is right on track for another full sized one. I had a meeting with my art professor today about late assignments and poor attendance. It went horribly. I'm typically not a mean person, but she's a butch biotch and has the world's largest stick up her butt. Zero empathy and of course she's probably around 100 lbs.
I was upset and got a roll of cinnamon rolls on the way home (wtf?) and ate them. All eight of them. Then I had jello. Then I had orange juice. Then I had barbeque chips. Despite it only being 2 pm I JUST ORDERED A LARGE PIZZA IN ADDITION and the funny part is, this isn't why I feel like a freak. I feel like a freak because I'm going to hide the pizza in my room because I'm embarrassed by my binge. I'm embarrassed to be seen eating. I have a little empty spot cleared under my bed for it.
Gross, T. What's wrong with you?
Tears today, and lots of them. Feeling sad and lonely and unaccomplished and like a failure. A fat fat fatty fat fat failure to be precise.
xoxo
You know what the weird things is??? I'm totally JEALOUS of your binge and your pizza!!! I wish I were you right now waiting for a whole pizza to come so I could binge and hide it. :( omg. I'm a freak too.
ReplyDeleteWe're all freaks here lol, in some form of another. Today is just one day in a series of many. There is always an opportunity to right your wrongs and fix your mistakes. It will all be okay.
ReplyDeletelove always,
xoxo
Oh hon, yea I understand. I don't think your a freak though... but that's probably because I do the same types of things. Not sure that was reassuring, at least you're not alone in it haha
ReplyDeleteTomorrow can be better, let's try for that <3
Lots of love xx