After 20 days without a purge I threw it all away.
I'm alone at the apartment tonight, no work and no plans... Everyone is gone on spring break. My day was nothing unusual, but I've been feeling really fat the last few days....
Yogurt - 120
Toast w/ almond butter - 135
*Workout - burned 200 to 300
Brussel sprouts roasted w/ olive oil - 120
Panini - 450 (.....why)
Sweet potato roasted w/ olive oil - 225
Strawberries & froyo - 150
So at this point, 9 pm, I'm around 800-900 give or take. I wasn't hungry but I saw a stupid commercial for Thai food and immediately started craving pad thai. I thought about it for an entire half hour, and still wanted it. I told myself, "Order it. You can just have a little. Normal people give in to their cravings all the time." So I had it delivered, and had a medium portion. Full to the point of discomfort, I urgently snuck back to the take out box and scooped an even larger portion on my plate. Then came The Guilt and Fatness and the Disgust so I got a glass of water, chugged it, and headed to the bathroom. "Do I really want to do this? After almost three weeks?" Yeah. Yeah I do. Noodles are easy and no one's home, it's perfect.
Now I just feel dirty. I don't really know why this happened it just did blehh
Lots of love
20 days without purging is a huge achievement! Look at it this way: you can't expect to stop purging and never ever do it again. Slip ups happen, it's part of it. Write down '20 days' as an achievement, and start counting again tomorrow. You haven't thrown it all away, you've still made huge progress.
ReplyDeletexx
Hey lady, 20 days without purging is most definitely something to be proud of! Progress towards breaking a habit that one slip-up is not going to take away. Personally I don’t purge, or cant rather I have never been able to make myself vomit (not even when I’m sick)- but I did have a problem with night eating (still do actually but it’s NO where as bad as it used to be) which was one hard habit to break! And I get what it’s like to feel as though any progress to kick something is completely off-set with one slip, it’s hard to think otherwise. But if you can go 20 days without doing something that’s most definitely enough time to break-up a habit and it will only get easier. Take care.
ReplyDelete-X Eva