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| Karina Allrich |
It makes me so sad to read everyone's posts and see how much pain we're all going through. We have eating disorders, while the neighbor's grandpa just died, while my beautiful friend S just got cheated on, while the guy working at the Taco Shop has cancer. So much sadness, so much pain. I hate ittttttttt
For some reason it made me remember one low in particular that I experienced in December. I was at my grandma's little house in the woods for Christmas. She made my favorite foods for Christmas dinner, because I'm the only grandchild that stays in contact with her and the only grandchild there to spend Christmas with her. She loves me so much. After dinner, I wanted to purge. Her house is so little, and the only bathroom is right off of the living room where everyone was socializing. I couldn't purge without being heard, so I excused myself to 'shower'. Knowing the old plumbing of her house couldn't handle my vomit, I smuggled a plastic Wal-Mart bag into the shower and threw up multiple times into the bag. After finishing, I neatly tied the bag and snuck it into my suitcase until I could dispose of it in the main trash receptacle without being noticed. I had a literal bag of my vomit in my suitcase. How ridiculous and disappointing. I wish I could say I'll never allow this to happen again but if I found myself in the same situation today, I'd probably do the same thing.
On a positive note.... hahah a BIG HUG TO EVERYONE FROM ME. I hate seeing so many of you down. You're all so freaking beautiful! Hugs
EDs put us through hell, and make us do things we never thought we would. At one time or another, I think we've all had to sneak around for our EDs.
ReplyDeleteI think it's wonderful you still see your grandma for Christmas though. It might've been a low point as far as EDs concerned, but it sounds like a special time nonetheless.
xx
I wanted to cry when my boyfriend brought me breakfast in bed over spring break last week and I did that nervous look into my coffee when I found it wasn't skim he remembered to ask for. Purged into the trash because I knew his plumbing wouldn't take it or someone else's but they were so nice for sharing their meal that to pull my anorexic card would be flat out rude. I think about how I've avoided my two good friends here at college the entire week because I've been feeling hopeless and fat and they are constantly snacking so I don't trust my resolve enough to be around them. It's just ridiculous I guess, but it always feels so real.
ReplyDeleteI love your grandma story though! I love going to mines' house, even though they feed me.
Stay strong girl! huuuuuugggee hug!
oh goodness the bag of vomit. recently forgot one in the trunk of my car for two days...i had it sealed inside another plastic bin but stillllll. I'm so happy to have found your blog!!
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