I've met with a psychologist once a week over the past month. Each week she's given me an assignment concerning food, and each week I've failed. This week, she asked me to write down "ED Thoughts" when I recognize them. I don't recognize them unless I sit down and sort them in my mind, which I did a few times over the week. I have a pretty big list. I'm going to go through them and choose a few that strike me.
1. That girl is so thin and beautiful. Do you look that thin? No. You need to get there, you'll be much more attractive.
2. Being thin is a requirement of being ladylike.
3. Good thing you're so busy this afternoon and won't be able to eat, you're hungry and otherwise you probably would.
4. Restricting makes you motivated and productive. Eating makes you lazy.
5. Restricting makes you feel euphoric and accomplished. Eating makes you feel depressed and guilty, like a failure.
6. The doctor mentioned a slight weight gain, do not eat anymore today.
7. That picture of you from a few months ago is absolutely appalling, you can never get back to that point under any circumstances.
8. If getting your period means gaining weight back, I never want to get it again.
Weird to see my thoughts written out, they feel different in text than they do in my head. Not necessarily in a negative way like my psychologist is probably hoping they'd feel. #5 applies today, day two of staying around 300 calories and I actually have a FEELING right now, of contentment and satisfaction.
Separating thoughts is by far one of the best things I have learned to do! Once you get the hang of it you will catch ed (or any bad) thoughts in the moment and then be able to stop and correct them. It gives you the proper and right sense of control, such a great skill. The only problem is once you realize them- you also realize when you choose to listen to the ed thoughts.
ReplyDeleteKeep at it, best of luck xx