ED Cocktail

It's been way too long since an entry, sorry if I've left anyone hanging!

I've been avoiding posting because the ED in my life is confusing and I don't even know what I think about it anymore. Previously it's been all about restriction restriction restriction, and some minimal exercise.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GUYS DEAL WITH LIVING WITH PARENTS OR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS. Man, so much respect to you all. After a week of being home with my parents for Thanksgiving break I had to completely give up restricting. They're monitoring what I eat, going out to eat, fixing 'family dinners'... obviously Thanksgiving meals with extended family were a nightmare as well. Ughhhhhh!

Needless to say I had to adjust my habits to keep from having a major breakdown. Previously, I've had little success with purging and never considered it as a way to keep thin. Something clicked since I've been home, and it's begun an interesting battle. I'm still trying to restrict because I prefer the controlled calm it gives me. However, if I feel guilty now after consuming something, off to the bathroom I go and vomit it up. I feel accomplished in a sick way, and I know I have to be very strict with myself so I don't get sucked into the whirlpool of purging. I've also started extreme exercising, pushing myself to 10 mile distances a day.

Basically I'm in a weird phase of restricting when possible, purging, and extreme exercising. A weird ED cocktail. I really don't like it, it's not simple and comforting like restriction. Hoping to get back to normal when I get back to school tomorrow. Overall though, I feel AMAZING mentally. No feelings of depression, or wasting away, or failure... Hopefully it keeps up.

I hope you all have been doing okay, I hope to catch up on blogs later. Much love :)