I went to the grocery store to buy tea. I got my tea, and before leaving, decided I should get groceries as well because my cupboards are pretty close to bare. I spent an obnoxious amount of time there. Going through EVERY isle, EVERY shelf, madly searching for something that looks low-cal, picking the product up to read the nutrition, making a disgusted face, putting it back, trying another... this process went on, over and over and over for around two hours. And this isn't a normal sized grocery store, it's a very small one on campus. I'm sure the employees thought I was crazy. Every ten minutes I would look at the selection in my basket I had deemed acceptable, and decide that one had 20 too many calories, and shove it back on a shelf. It was absolutely ridiculous. The whole time I felt uneasy, probably because I felt surrounded by things I've constantly been telling myself are 'bad'. The other day I stopped at Walgreens to pick up a prescription and spent an entire twenty minutes at the chocolate section in the candy isle trying to find some sort of chocolate I felt okay eating. 20 minutes of reading labels and scrutiny and obsession in a five foot area. ...Seriously Taylor?
Today I ended up buying rice cakes, Popchips (WHICH ARE AMAZING, AND 20 OF THEM ARE 120ish CALORIES) and some spices. And a Lean Cuisine for today's major consumption. So after about two hours of craziness, that's what I ended up with. It's snowing today, it's cold and sad and empty.
Unrelated, if I don't push myself and invest some SERIOUS time into school I'm going to screw myself over. Exams are soon, I need to apply to the Education program... I've let it slip away the last few weeks. All I want to do is sit and think and write and read and look at art and watch Grey's Anatomy. Prime example, I should be in class right now...... hmph.
And with that, have a lovely day.
I love snow! oh grocery shopping as you know it is such a treat. Simple everyday normal things turn into such a hassle because of our disordered eating and minds. It's good you bought a few thing even though they have ed written all over them, better then nothing. Your second to last sentence <3 don't we all. Keep safe and warm xx
ReplyDeleteGrocery shopping is a nightmare. Always wondering if people are staring at you while you go through each and every piece of food. I find myself putting stuff back on the shelves too. Hope you're enjoying the snow. I would be fine if it didn't snow at all here. =)
ReplyDeleteXOXO